托福作文求大神评分work in group is better or work aloneMost people en

托福作文求大神评分
work in group is better or work alone
Most people enjoy working in groups now and
for them,working in a group may be more efficient.However,personally,I
argue that working on our own is better than in a group.
To begin with,by working on our own,we
are sure to be more efficient,contrary to the fact that there are too many
distractions in group work.When people are working in the group,they may chat
and laugh; this will influence other group members negatively.While working
alone,there will not have any disturbance,the ambience around is better for
people to concentrate,so that they can be very efficient in working.I was in
a study group last semester,the group members were chatting and talking about
the irrelevant topics like where to camping tomorrow.It was impossible for me to
concentrate while studying in the group at all.
Secondly,to work alone enable us to make
our own decisions.In other words,we can present our ideas directly to the
boss without asking the permit from the group leader.My uncle is working in a
computer company,once he had an idea about renewing the products outlook,but
the group he was in denied the idea,thus there was no chance for him to
present the idea to the boss.However,the next year the other companies come
out the similar idea and sold a lot of computers.Now that some group leaders
will be arbitrary,so that the ideas of the group members can be hard to get
known by bosses,and finally hurt the benefit of a company.
Last but not least,when we finished a
project on our own,it can be very rewarding.We can achieve the accomplishment
and feel very fulfilled by solving the problems all alone.For instance,every
time I solved a hard math problem on my own,I feel exactly very excited,and
will be more motivate to move on to other questions.
In conclusion,working alone makes people
more efficient and more accessible to their boss,this means their ideas will
be more likely to be implement,thus achieve the sense of accomplishment.In
short,it is better for us to work alone.

实话来说,你这篇文章你只能算作20分上下.三大针砭之处：
一、逻辑缺乏峰回路转.你三个方面全是3A,即全是正观点,这样让评委认为你缺乏辩证的思路来思考这个问题,而我推荐你使用AAB的方式,即前两个观点是正的,后一个观点是负的,而负观点可以先举一个明显逻辑不对称的普通人看法认为集体工作好,然后你一巴掌将其拍死.
二、论据不突出.你想想,考官一天看上万篇的同一题目的作文,如果你不能语不惊人,你认为考官能对你留下深刻的印象?我以前参加托福考试的时候就喜欢用逻辑+高科技+典故的例子,你可以说独立工作更能突显个人工作能力与价值,然后可以举philosopher Nietzsche的例子（前提是你了解Nietzsche这人的生平历史并且写得出来这个名字的单词）,你也可以写日本改善LED灯的那个大牛的例子（以前积累过不过现在他的名字写不出来了,囧）
三、词汇匮乏.考官就是要看你应用语言的能力,但是你用小学生或中学生的词汇去打发他,能得高分吗?即便词藻一时半会儿提不上来,多积累点名句也总是好的.
纯手打,有问题可以发邮件问我,qingyang.xiao@jci.com
再问： 可是我们老师说只要说理清晰就可以了啊。。我上次考试也是这么写的是25 难 是说再高点就必须用大道理么
再答： 不是大道理，主要是突出亮点，其实我只是个人建议，托福考过两次，作文也没上28呀。要拿高分的确难