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能不能帮我批改一下这篇作文

来源:学生作业帮 编辑:搜搜考试网作业帮 分类:英语作业 时间:2024/07/31 03:20:19
能不能帮我批改一下这篇作文
Nowadays,there are more and more people addicted themselves to computer using,as if they can't live without the computer.This is not good news.People who rely too much on computers are now finding themselves forgetting how to spell some words easily.Resolving with problems by computers is so convenient,leading increasing number of people releasing their hands together with their brain.The priority problem is that the more they rely on computers,the more chances for practice they are wasting.And people will gradually lose the ability to finish the things in person.The other vital problem is that many people prefer to surf the internet rather than go outside with friends.They working online,chatting online,shopping online,their daily life only needs the accompany of the computer.They don't realize that their social life is affected.These people will find it difficult to communicate with others face to face.To protect our life from not being destroyed,we are here appeal everyone not to rely too much on computers.
题目是Don't rely too much on computers.
能不能帮我批改一下这篇作文
Nowadays,there are more and more people addicted themselves to computer using,as if they can't live without the(这里的the可以去掉的,computer是泛指没必要特指) computer.This is not good news.People who rely too much on computers are now(are和now应该换一下位置) finding themselves forgetting how to spell some words easily.Resolving with(去掉with,resolve及物,不需要加介词的.) problems by computers is so convenient,leading increasing number of people releasing their hands together with their brain(这句话前半部分有点问题,我觉得需要大规模改.).The priority problem is that the more they rely on computers,the more chances for practice they are wasting.And people will gradually lose the ability to finish the things in person.The other vital problem is that many people prefer to surf the internet rather than go outside with friends.They working online,chatting online,shopping online,their daily life only needs(去掉s.主语是their daily life) the accompany of the computer.They don't realize that their social life is affected.These people will find it difficult to communicate with others face to face.To protect our life from not being destroyed(这个词一般指的是灾难般的毁灭,这里用有点不大合适),we are here appeal everyone not to rely too much on computers(这句话用到call on比较好)