帮批一下雅思作文If a five-year-old child commits crime,should his/he

帮批一下雅思作文
If a five-year-old child commits crime,should his/her parents be penalized for the misconduct?
Recetly there has arisen a heated debate that the five-year-old child commit crime over whether his/her parents should be penalized for the misconduct.People retain diverse attitudes toward this hot topic.Before presenting my view,I intend to discuss both sides of the argument.
Adovcate of penality hold the belief that the parents play an important role in the process of their children's growing.To begin with,the parents must teach him/her what can do and what can not do.This a small thing exerts great influence on his/her young mind.Moreover,the parantes have responsibilty to make a health and good environment for him/her.They must keep the violent and pornographic progammes or magazines off their children.Last of all,they should foster their a strong sence of responsiblity,which may effectively decrease the crime in their life.
Some pepople,however,are strong against this view for several reasons.Firstly,parents can not keep him/her within sight all the time.Before Going to company,they often left his/her in the care of a babysittler or send them to nursery school.Secondly,Government should take on more obligation than parents.The government must take more feasible steps to curb the voilent and pornographic contents to publish anywhere.Worst of all,some unhealth films appear in public places,such as killing,raping,stealing,and so no.It is largely strengthen their mentality.
In the final analysis,both sides have several sound foundations.However,if asked to make a choice,I will not hestitate to assent to the former.I believe that a five-child-old child do right or wrong,his/her parents must afford the responsiblity to a certain extent.Because the famlity education is very vitue in his/her behavior.
能否说说我为什么不能那么写，

Recently there has been a debate over whether the parents of a five year old child should be held legally responsible for the public misconduct of their child. People retain diverse opinions about this matter; yet, there should be a suitable course of action when faced with this issue. Personally, I ______, and will outline why I ___ in the subsequent paragraphs.
个人认为你的第一段有很多的问题.所以直接帮你重新写了.如果你觉得我修改的还不错,可以继续给我发消息帮你改.或者你也可以去tony教授的网站看看去,那儿有专门的美国人给你修改的.呵呵.