刚自己写的英语小说还请各位大侠找找有啥低级错误能有意见最好啦!The streets are always full o

刚自己写的英语小说
还请各位大侠找找有啥低级错误
能有意见最好啦!
The streets are always full of people and noise on the weekends,when all the children are released from school.­
But not including teens.They are much more quiet but still very energetic,like a magpie that sings to itself.­
"Joe,would you please sotp talking about that dull problem?I've been suffering from your words since this morning."A you-ng pretty girl complained,she is tall and looks strong.­
"All right,Kerrigan dear,you know him,aren't you?"said a tall boy,same pretty to the girl."Ok,i'm just kidding.you know,Mr.Dorson has went mad today,and if you would do the homework for me,i shall satisfy anyof your needs,un-hun?" said Kerrig-an.The boy hesitated.­
­ "What's that?"Joe suddenly said,pnointing to some thick bushes.Kerrigan and the tall boy turned around to see what is goi-ng on.What they saw was a extremely tall ­man,and he seemed to be covered with armor.Besides,some slight blue light w-as coming from the body.He seemed to be whispering to someone.
The tall boy rushed into the bush,"Let's expose the trick .",but sunddenly the shadow of the mysterious man disappeare-d.The three teens could say nothing,just looked at each other

第二段第一句应改成But teens are not included.原句缺主语.同段第二句,前后单复数不一,后半句应改成like magpies that sing to themselves.
第三段第一句,不知道楼主是否因为打得太快,把stop打成sotp了.最后一句应改成A young pretty girl complained,who was tall and strong.或改成A young pretty girl complained.She was tall and strong.原句把两个句子糅在一起了,前后时态也不一致.
第四段,前面用了you know him,后面就应该是don't you?
后面那句应改成A tall boy said,as pretty as the girl.
再后面那句应是I'm just kidding you,没know的.
接下来那句应改成Mr.Dorson has gone mad today.
第五段,注意整篇文章的时态要一致.第三句应改成Kerrigan and the tall boy turned around to see what was going on.
最后一句应改成The three teens could say nothing but looked at each other.
仅供参考~